bigkanimaoncampus | 004 // Deck The Halls

004 // Deck The Halls

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[ He looks utterly disgusted. And surprisingly, it has nothing to do with the sweater he's wearing. Hardly a color he usual wears, too. ]

You call THIS decorating? Doesn't anyone on his this ship have any sense of actual taste? Maybe some of you should go request things that don't look like you dug them out of the bargain bin at the gas station, huh?

And to whoever took my black Hugo Boss sweater, I'm going to find you.

[ He hadn't had much time to take inventory, so he didn't know if there was anything else missing. But he was pissed. ]

[ Spam ]

[ He's become quite skilled at shoving down all of his problems, especially now that he has a purpose. Between the sweater and Lydia's orders, he had become rather aggressive about this whole Christmas thing. He's in and out of his room frequently, and if he's in there, he tends to have a habit of leaving the door open. The room was immaculately decorated. He did lean a bit toward the minimalist and monochrome side, but it had the air one might expect from a kid who was raised with a great deal of money. It was all white, silver and red.

Otherwise, he could be found going about his usual activities. If he can get a warden to let him into either the gym or pool, he does his usual routines there. Otherwise he does his daily circuit on the ship. And of course, there's always the dining hall. Where he acts like he owns the place as if he were still king of the high school cafeteria. He's trying to generally ignore all of his problems. And that includes not thinking of the event that proved he was no longer afraid of Kira. And certainly not thinking of her at all ever. Just as much as he was ignoring anything that had happened with Lydia or Lydia and Stiles, or whatever that with Stiles a while ago. Pretty much NOT thinking about anyone he knows from home, period. ]

Admiral,

Give people the following:

- Lydia: A red dress (the kind she really likes), boots to match, a gold pendant necklace in the shape of a key (a house key but just smaller), The Notebook on DVD, and anything at all that she wants.

- Opie: A stocking full of coal.

And for the rest of these, don't tell them who they're from.

- Kira: A scarf in whatever color she likes, lip gloss (the same she was wearing THAT day), a good lacrosse stick and pads.

- Stiles: A DVD of whatever nerdy thing he's into these days. One of those glass chemistry things, like what we used on Peter. With a note that just says "In case he shows up."

- Scott: Better lacrosse pads, clothes with some actual style

- Isaac: Whatever comic books he's into these days, decent lacrosse pads cause there's no way he can afford good ones.

- Allison: A set of those weird daggers she likes so much

- Chris: A book on how to handle kids.

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[Lydia had just spent a couple of hours at the Enclosure, practicing with Andrew. It seems to be one of the few things that gets him in a good mood these days. She's happy with his progress, though. And she's thinking of maybe increasing his powers a little. It's not like he's been misbehaving in any way. Aside from the sulking.

Once she waves goodbye to him, she checks her communicator for messages as she makes her way through the deck and pauses when she sees someone out of the corner of her eyes.

Jackson. She-- hasn't really been checking on him as much as she should have. With everything that's been going on, she really only talked to him while she was wearing the sweater and they were on a decorating mission. And maybe part of her has been actively avoiding him for the past week or so.

She knows she doesn't have anything to hide. It's been a long time since she was with Jackson for her. And she doesn't have to feel guilty for being happy she and Stiles are finally figuring things out. But she doesn't want to hurt Jackson. And she knows she will. Even now, seeing him with someone else would hurt her, and he didn't have nearly as much time to move on.

It's pretty impossible to avoid him right now, though. And she probably shouldn't be avoiding him, anyway. So she smiles as she approaches him.]

Hey. Not playing Santa's Helper anymore, either?

[ He was fine with not talking to her outside of their mission to decorate the ship. And it wasn't even lying to himself to convince himself with that. It seemed any time they talked, things got emotional and it was just easier if they didn't. It was also easier to not think of things when they didn't. Things like the Peter not actually being dead, whatever was going on with Stiles and Lydia, that thing that had never happened between him and Kira.

When he noticed her, he'd intended to act like he hadn't and just keep going. But she noticed him as well, and that made it far more difficult. So when she addressed him, he glanced down at his clothes. He was dressed for a work out in sweats and a tank top. Then he looked back at here with a subtle raise of an eyebrow. ]

I've got more to do than just that.

[Well, with that greeting, it isn't hard to tell what kind of conversation this is going to be. She wants to get defensive and give him attitude back, but she's not that person anymore. She hasn't been in a long time and, again, she knows she's been avoiding him on purpose.

Instead, she's going to brush it off and continue the conversation as if his tone was perfectly friendly. In fact, she's going to give him enough to actually keep the conversation going if he wants to make an effort.]

I know you do. I do too, in fact, I was just at the Enclosure with my inmate. Have you met Andrew? His cabin is right across the hall from yours. [Right next to Stiles' but she's not bringing him up if she doesn't have to. She is trying to keep things pleasant.]

[ But that effort was the exact opposite of what Jackson wanted right now. He'd finally found a stable mental space. Sure, it meant completely ignoring his problems and acting like he was fine, but he'd avoided any sort of massive meltdowns since he came out of his little coma because of it. Even with the whole kid thing, and now the minefield of magical mistletoe, he'd managed to avoid any noticeable fallout from either.

But with that in mind, he did cast a cautious glance toward the ceiling to make sure this wasn't about to get awkward any time soon.

Her question drew his attention back down, and he let out a small scoff. ]

After what happened to my last neighbors, I try to keep my distance these days.

[ And that was without him knowing the full story. But that whole killing Lahey's dad thing still didn't sit well with him. ]

[Apparently, he isn't gonna make this easy on her. But that's fine. If he's gonna keep up his act, then Lydia is going to try another strategy and give up on hers. For the most time, anyway.

She glances up at the ceiling, too, but when she sees nothing there, she shrugs and looks back at him.

This subject could be tricky, because she's not sure how much he does remember, but maybe it's time he knows the truth.

She is surprised at how easily he brings it up, so she'll be a little careful with it.]

Everyone knows who's really responsible for that.

[ It wasn't as easy as he made it seem. To even mention those events he had to skirt around it without addressing it directly. And then it had to be saturated in so much scathing scorn or sarcasm that he barely recognized it. He had no intention of discussing it outside of flippant remarks like that.

So her statement hit a little hard. There was a flicker of uncertainty and fear. He seized that confusion, his brow twisting to emphasize it. ]

Yeah, his own. Maybe if he hadn't been such a freak he'd still be alive.

[ He started to turn away, to leave with that. Because he had a sinking dread that told him just where this was going and he very much would rather avoid it all together. They'd gone months without discussing what he'd been and what he'd done. He'd rather keep up the trend. ]

Jackson.

[The second he starts to turn away, she reaches for his arm. Because she saw that-- fear, maybe? Even if it was just for a second. She has the feeling he already suspects it, at the very least.

He's just-- trying to ignore it. Like Jackson does with most things he doesn't think he can handle.]

You don't know? About Matt? [She is throwing information at him to see how he reacts. To see how much he does know, and how much he at least allowed himself to consider before.]

[ It was more her touch that stopped him than her saying his name. Because that touch always did something inside him. Something subtle that he didn't quite understand, but it eased the anger and aggression away. It made the chaos of emotion quieter, that much easier to handle.

He looked back to her, genuinely confused this time. Matt. It took him a moment to even remember who that was. The guy he'd borrowed the camera from. The guy that Danny had been eyeing and helped with the video. The guy who'd been in detention with them. There was something else that stirred, like memories from dreams. But he chose to ignore those. It couldn't possibly be important. ]

What about Matt?

[She stares up at him and brings her free hand up to cover her mouth for a second. She doesn't even know how to begin telling him if he doesn't even know that much.

There's really no easy way to tell him this. Although, maybe if he knows that it wasn't him. That he was being controlled by someone else the whole time. Then maybe it won't be as hard for him to deal with everything that's happened.

She lowers her hand and glances over at the benches on the other side of the deck.]

Let's sit down. I'll explain.

[ Between what he'd been told, what few things he could remember, and some other vague things that he didn't want to even consider, he knew he'd been controlled. It was a major point of discomfort and why he'd had so many issues with other things on this ship.

He let out a hard breath, fixing her with a disapproving and impatient look. ]

Unless that loser's suddenly shown up here and is demanding I pay him back for his stupid camera, I don't see what the big deal is.

[The look doesn't bother her anymore than his attitude did. Now she's genuinely worried about him. And honestly, she feels guilty that she didn't even think about telling him all the details before now.

So with her hand still on his arm, she looks up at him, sincerely worried about him.]

Just trust me, Jackson? You need to hear this.

[ He rolls his eyes, making a show of his utter lack of patience. There was a small thread of panic under it all that he really wanted to get away from. It had started with the first mention of Matt, and was growing more and more difficult to ignore. But still, he didn't pull away, even if he was incredibly tense. ]

Just tell me, then.

[She was really hoping he'd walk over there with her to give her a few more seconds to organize her thoughts and figure out the best way to tell him. But apparently that's not gonna happen.]

What do you know about-- how kanimas work, Jackson?

[ It was like the floor just dropped out beneath him, and for a moment it was obvious on his face. He thought he was going to be sick from that sudden shock of dread. Why would she be bringing that up NOW of all times? It was a connection he absolutely refused to make. He hastily put on an offended mask, even if he knew she'd see through it. ]

It's not my problem anymore, so I don't care how they work.

Yes, you do.

[And he's terrified of it. Not that she blames him. It's not easy to come to terms with the fact that someone else had that much power over you. At least she found out on her own, it saved her some humiliation.]

When a kanima is created, it seeks a master, Jackson. [There's really no easy way to tell him this.]

It's almost like the bond of an alpha and a beta. But the master, who is always someone who's seeking vengeance, can control the kanima.

[ He wanted to just shoot her down. To tell her he didn't care. But her words hit on something far too deep for that. He firmly folded his arms over his chest, as if making a show of how much he didn't need this. ]

What's your point, Lydia? That's all behind me, now.

[ He continued to refuse the obvious reason, and why this conversation followed right after Matt being mentioned. ]

[She can tell how defensive he is about all this. She wants to do something to make it better. Part of her wants to agree with him that it's all over with and that he doesn't need to know any of the details because it doesn't matter.

But she knows he has to know at least some of it. And if he doesn't have all the pieces of the puzzle, he'll never really be able to move on from it.]

Matt was one of the people who controlled you. [She hesitates.]

And Gerard Argent after Matt died.

[ For a moment that stretched to seem like it would never end, Jackson stopped breathing. The corridor fell away to nothing, even she seemed miles away. And for one terrifying heartbeat, he thought he could hear them. Whispered commands. Indistinct but there.

Was that why Matt always seemed to be there? The library. Detention. Lydia's party.

All he could do was shake his head vaguely in an attempt at denial. He didn't want to believe it. But he couldn't find the words for a proper protest against it. ]

[When she sees the way his face pales and the look on his face, Lydia steps forward. She places her hands on both his arms both to help steady him if necessary and to pull him back.]

Jackson? You're right. It is over now.

You're okay, they're not here. [They can't control him here.]

[ Her touch gave him something to hold onto, something real to focus on. And it gave him the strength to pull himself back. Which meant shoving that fear and dread down as hard as he could. He knew he needed to know more: WHY had Matt done it? Why Mr. Lahey? Why all those other people? But he just swallowed all those questions in favor of trying to ignore it all.

Finally, he pulled back from her, putting on a false arrogant smugness. ]

You're right. Which means I don't have to worry about it.

[It's times like this that she feels like he's so much younger. It's not so much an age difference, even though that probably counts, too. But mostly, she knows it's the time they had to process everything.

So she'll give him time.

She pulls her hands back and purses her lips together.]

Let me know when you're ready to hear more, Jackson. [When. Not if.]

[ The age thing was something he really tried to not think about. He was the oldest, apart from Allison. A point of pride for him, even if it was only a matter of months. But with this weird time shift thanks to the barge, he was the youngest of their little group. But he hadn't tried to do the math, yet, as he didn't want to consider it. ]

Which will be never. Why would I want to know anything more about something that's behind me?

[ His tone was rather aggressive, trying convince himself he'd never want to know. But the truth was he would never be ready. Because he was terrified of what else could be dropped on him. ]

[She doesn't even mind his aggressiveness right now. She knows it's coming from fear. It usually is, when it comes to Jackson. And although he still has a lot to learn, here on the barge, fear isn't something he should have to deal with.]

I know you're smarter than that, Jackson. [Or at least, he knows better than that. He knows his statement makes no sense.]

You'll need to understand what happened to you, so you can move on from it.

I know how terrifying it is. But you're not the only one who went through something like this before. I did too, with Peter. And there are others who can help you. [She won't bring Stiles up right now, but she knows he's probably the one person who'd understand it the most.]

When you're ready.

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004 // Deck The Halls

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